Pregnancy Journal: month #8

• Eighth Month 05/09/10 to 06/09/10:  anxiety, "where are my toes?", preparations, big sister Lila Grace...

Anxiety: a big issue this month.  Believe it or not, now all I can think about is that Mia Faith will arrive way too soon and I won't be ready.  I hope this is just "fear of the unprepared" because, really, I haven't started doing ANYTHING yet.  I've managed to make a list of all the things I need to buy and do but have yet to find the time to get started.  We bought Mia's dresser and a bed for Lila (so we can use her crib and mattress for Mia) but that's about it.  Now we need to paint it in the color I want and go from there.  There's also a ton of laundry I need to do which is something I'm actually looking forward to.  I love organizing things and doing it for my daughter only makes it more fun!

"Where are my toes?":  that is the question this month... seriously.  I've been hearing "oh you look so small" and "you don't look like you're in the second trimester, let alone the third!" and all of a sudden my belly just POPPED.  It's not terribly heavy just yet but it's heavy enough!  Mia is not huge... the doctor said she's about four and a half pounds this week (week 33).

I had the nicest surprise last week.  My friends and family threw a surprise baby shower and it was so much fun!  Just having the ones I love all together in one room for a couple of hours was so great.  I've been so busy with errands, doctor's appointments, crossing things off my "to do" list that I haven't had a whole lot of time left and this was such a treat!  Thank you all for the wonderful surprise and all the lovely gifts!  I love you all!!!  (I'll post pictures soon!)

Lila is still oblivious to the fact that she's going to have a sister soon.  I try to talk to her about it as much as I can but I don't feel like there's a need to really push the subject when she doesn't seem to understand it just yet.  She's always sweet when I ask her "who's inside mommy's belly" and she says "baby" or "Mina" (her way of saying Mia)...  The funny thing is when I lift my shirt and say "there's a baby inside mommy's belly...it's Lila's little sister, right?" and she pulls my shirt down and says "night-night baby".  LOL  I think what she's really trying to say is "I'll deal with her when I have to but not right now"...LOL  Just a quick note about something sweet that happened and I can't stop thinking about:  we started doing the non-stress test this week (that test where they put a couple of monitors on the belly to track the baby's heartbeat, movement and contractions).  Lila is always present at every appointment I have... for 20 minutes we got to listen to Mia's heartbeat and Lila was actually dancing to the sound of it!  It was soooo sweet!  Next time, I'll try to catch it on video.  :-)

Be blessed everyone!

xoxo

Pregnancy Journal: month #7

• Seventh Month 04/09/10 to 05/09/10: emotional roller coaster, "so in love", baby's kicks, baby's name...

Wow, seventh month... From the very beginning I've been so worried about the baby being late and now I'm actually praying she'll stay in here at least until her due date.  Women really DON'T know what they want, especially when hormones are running the show.  I already miss being pregnant so much that I don't want it to be over, even though I can't wait to see my little girl's face!

I'm so in love with this little blessing that it makes me want to cry sometimes.  I always hear parents of more than one child saying they experienced a certain kind of "confusion" when their second/third/fourth child was about to arrive... a feeling of "how will I manage to split the love between all my children?", almost as if our hearts are limited to a certain size, but amazingly, I've found out it doesn't really work that way.  Mia is not even here yet and I'm already learning that our hearts grow bigger, so we don't have to split our love between our children.  Rather, we love twice as much.  God is truly amazing in the way He built us and our emotions.

Did you notice I wrote "Mia"?  Yes, it's official.  The chosen name is Mia Faith.  I'm actually doing pretty well in calling out her name now... I say it more often than "the baby"! :o)  As I'm writing this post, she's kicking up a storm in my belly.  If it's true that the baby's activity in utero is similar to what it'll be when she's born, then I'll be up most of the night.  She's smart... this is the only time of the day where she'll be able to have some one-on-one time with me. LOL

Everything else is well.  My belly is growing fast and I'm very tired, but overall, I feel pretty good.  That being said, I'll go to bed and rest while I can!

God bless!
xoxo

Pregnancy Journal: month #6

• Sixth Month 03/09/10 to 04/09/10: emotions, big sister Lila, baby's movements, baby's name...

Sixth month is here! I feel this pregnancy is flying by. I was shocked to read on the 9th that I entered my 3rd trimester. THIRD! I'm having such a mixture of emotions...probably because we "think" this may be my last pregnancy and so I'm constantly thinking about how much I'm going to miss being pregnant. JR really doesn't seem like he'll want to have another child, mostly because he’s concerned about giving nothing but the best to the two we have...school tuition alone is outrageous, then you add healthcare and the other necessities and you think “what was I thinking when I decided to have 2 kids?”. LOL I secretly want another one...(not so much of a secret now, is it?!) Ideally, I’d have 4: 2 girls and 2 boys but only if I could get one grandmother per child! LOL

Big sister Lila turned 2 last week. She’s amazing... I daydream about how she’ll act around her little sister. I have a feeling our struggles will be more about fighting over who will change the baby’s diaper, who will hold her, who will feed her and so on. Lila is so into “mothering” her dolls. We can’t go out for a drive without her putting her “Nenem” in my bag, along with a toy bottle. Because of this, we got her a bunch of doll stuff for her birthday and now, when we’re in the house, she’ll put the doll to sleep in the crib, then put her in the carseat, then the stroller, then the baby carrier. She’ll rock the doll in her rocking chair, sing her a lullaby and even “shush” her. Lila also has a medical kit and she’ll give the doll her shot and say “aw, it’s okay” while caressing her...she does a full check-up which included taking the doll’s temperature, checking her ears and nose and mouth. She’ll even brush the doll’s teeth! She seems to understand a little more about what’s going on, but not to the point of actually “understanding” that she’ll have a sister, mommy’s having a baby, etc. I ask her “what’s inside here?” while pointing to m belly and she’ll say “baby”. Then she’ll caress/hug/kiss my belly...so sweet! Her little sister is lucky to have such a caring and loving big sister! ~:-)

This baby girl is SO ACTIVE. I’m so glad because I know this means she’s very healthy! We had an ultrasound again a couple of weeks ago. She’s head down now (and please, baby girl, don’t change your mind in the last minute and flip over, okay?!) and she’s a bit of a prude...we wanted to make sure that she is, in fact, a SHE and we almost got out of there with another “it’s probably a girl but we can’t be sure”. Her legs were crossed shut! The technician asked the most experienced person there to redo the ultrasound just to confirm the gender and after much shaking and pushing around, we got our “it’s a girl” image on the ultrasound screen. Once again, she was nonstop but managed to cooperate a little more this time while they checked her weight and size. She seems to be right on target! Praise God!

Last night I got a little preview of what’s to come in a few weeks. I was about to fall asleep when Lila woke up calling for me. So I went in her room, hugged and cuddled with her for a couple of minutes and put her down...went back to bed and then it was the baby’s turn to want some mommy-and-me time. So for about an hour, she would not stop kicking me and stretching...and dad was just snoring away beside me. Can I just say, I have the best husband in the world! He helps me out so much...more than most husbands out there. He will clean the whole house just so I won’t have to do it and he’ll do it while singing! :-) Anyone that knows him knows this is true. He loves helping me. The only thing he asks NOT to do is the laundry and I’m so okay with that! I think it has been very tough for him lately because hormones have been taking the best of my mood some days. I lash out at him for no good reason... and almost as soon as I do it, I say “I’m sorry honey...it’s almost over”...LOL At least we can laugh about it a few minutes after.

THE NAME... everyone is asking us about this is I have to say, I’m 90% sure it’ll be Mia Faith but I can’t bring myself to actually call the baby by name. I know a lot of women like to call their baby by the name while pregnant but I’m not that type. I don’t call the baby “it”...I say “she” or sometimes I’ll call her “baby girl”. Even with Lila, I always felt weird referring to her as “Lila Grace” or “Lila” because I wanted to see her face before calling her by name. What if she didn’t look like a “Lila”? I also love the name Chloe the missing 10% is for “Chloe”. JR doesn’t seem to be a big fan of Chloe. He likes Mia. So does my mom. My sister, on the other hand, prefers Chloe. I ask Lila which one she prefers and she doesn’t seem to understand how important her answer is. ~:-)

An update on the little girl, Layla Grace, who I mentioned on last month's post.  She passed away on March 9th.  We were all very sad but we can rejoice in knowing she's at peace and is in God's arms, cancer-free.  Now she knows no pain, no struggle... in her parents' words, "she's playing with the angels".  Layla and her wonderful family will always be an inspiration of strength, faith and perseverance to me, and I pray God will continue to pour peace over them every day.

I want to finish this month’s post by saying how grateful I am to God for giving me such a wonderful family. I may not remember to thank Him as much as I should, but when I look around, I see how blessed I am. He has blessed us with health, with joy, and with much more than we need in order to be happy. Sure we have tough days, but He’s always there and we’re so thankful. We celebrated Easter this month... to know He sent His son Jesus, who died for us and rose on the third day, and lives forever, and promised us eternal life, there is no greater thing. We’re so fortunate and so blessed! God be praised for His abundant grace and mercy poured over us each day.

Be blessed!
xoxo

Pregnancy Journal: month #5

• Fifth Month 02/09/10 to 03/09/10: even bigger belly, baby's gender revealed and a little about someone that changed me forever...

Hey everyone!  This month has been quite a ride.  I've been having lots of insomnia, which is completely new to me since I've always been a very good sleeper.  The biggest event this month: we found out we're having A GIRL! Yes! Another girl! I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am.  Sure, in the beginning I had a "feeling" it was a boy, but two girls is a dream come true!  I have a sister, and I know how precious it is to have that kind of friendship and connection.  My sister and I have an awesome relationship and we are very, very close.  I already find myself daydreaming about Lila and her little sister playing together, growing up together, getting in trouble together and fighting (my sister and I did a lot of that, too...LOL) but most importantly, how close they'll be.  We ended up opening the infamous envelope on February 13th.  We had the family together and Lila was the one that actually pulled out the post-it note from inside the envelope.  Funny note:  Hubby here wanted to find out so badly that he tried holding the envelope in the light to see through it and he couldn't see it.  Well, we know why.  The ultrasound technician wrote "girl" with a yellow marker, on a yellow post-it note! LOL  I guess she knew he'd try that!

My belly is growing rapidly and our little girl is kicking me hard.  I did notice her kicks her sort of weird and mostly "downward".  I wasn't surprised when they told me on this month's ultrasound that she's breech.  They said 97% of babies turn to the "right" position so I'm already praying hard for that. I cannot imagine myself having a c-section.  It's not because I'm afraid or anything like that.  I'm just worried about the pain and prolonged healing time, when I already have Lila to care for and don't have much help from family.  My mom works a lot, my sister has her two kids and my mother-in-law already helps my sister-in-law who also has two kids.  I guess whatever happens, we'll deal with it.  I'm trying not to worry about it just yet...too soon!  The funny thing about this ultrasound is that I asked the ultrasound technician to show me that it is indeed a girl (when it comes to these things, I need to see it to believe it) and to my surprise she said she couldn't confirm because the umbilical cord is between her legs.  I felt that, since my big scan was at 17 weeks, it was early too to be sure of the baby's gender.  I'm pretty convinced it is a girl but I just want to see it, you know what I mean?  My next ultrasound is on the 30th so they'll check it again then.

EMOTIONS:  the highlight of this month for me was the fact that I "met" a 2 year-old little girl named Layla Grace who lives in Texas.  I found her through a store on Facebook, which I'm a fan of, and they were donating $1 for each new fan to this little girl that has neuroblastoma stage 4 and is in her last days.  If you want to read her story, and I think you should, check out http://www.laylagrace.org/.  Her parents also post updates on Twitter.  Check out http://twitter.com/laylagrace.  Her story changed my life forever.  I believe I'll never, ever, ever forget her.  She showed me how selfish I was being...She made me appreciate my life more, the health of my loved ones, and my daughter even more so.  I find myself praying for her as if she were my own daughter.  I wake up and go to sleep thinking about her.  I lay awake in the middle of the night and all I can think of is her and her little face...her little body and how strong this little girl is.  I think about how I've been taking so many things for granted...how I complain about little things that are just so petty.  I feel I know her just by reading up on how she's strugling to fight this cancer.  Her doctors gave her weeks to live and she's still hanging on.  Her parents are watching as their daughter suffers and I cannot imagine how they must feel... I assume they feel useless, helpless, sad, angry, devastated, probably because that's how I'd feel.  Today I read that her mom tried to hold Layla and she cried because her body hurts from all the tumors and the fact that she's so skinny from not eating... imagine not being able to hold your own child, knowing she's suffering!  THIS MADE ME UNDERSTAND THE LOVE OF GOD EVEN MORE.  God gave His Son for me. He, too, watched as His Son died.  Jesus endured all the pain for every illness that exists.  The pain Layla is feeling is very familiar to Jesus because He felt that on the cross.  When you read Layla's parents' posts, they are at such peace.  That peace can only come from one place: GOD.  They are so grateful for each moment they spend with Layla and they make the best out of them.  In the midst of all this suffering they remain positive.  They are truly an inspiration and an example to be followed of faith, strength and grattitude.  I know the God I serve can heal Layla. I pray he will touch her body and make those tumors fade away. I pray that her parents will wake up one day to Layla sitting up in bed saying "mommy, daddy, I'm hungry" (she hasn't eaten in over two weeks and is too week to lift up her head).  My Jesus can heal the sick, He can raise the dead.  NOTHING is impossible to the God I serve. But as He Himself teaches us to pray:  " your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven".  God has a plan and no matter the outcome, I am sure, Layla has changed the lives of so many people on this earth forever.  Mine is one.  If you're reading this, I urge you to pray for them.  I urge you to appreciate the little things in life which sometimes go by unnoticed because we're too focused on the "big" things.  I urge you to be more appreciative of the blessings you have.  I urge you to hug your loved ones more, let go of the petty things we make out to be so "valuable", and to be thankful for each moment, no matter how "bad" it may seem.  Worry less.  Enjoy more.  Forgive more.  Bless more.  Give more.  Pray more.  Love more.

God bless us with a thankful heart.... and may He bless Layla Grace and her beautiful family always.

Pregnancy Journal: month #4

• Fourth Month 01/09/10 to 02/09/10: bigger belly, baby moving, big ultrasound, boy or girl?...

Our BIG ultrasound is scheduled for February 2. Dad has started to pressure me into finding out. I feel bad for asking him to wait so I told him if he wants to know, he can find out as long as he doesn’t tell me. I have a feeling that won’t work and I’m really not curious (which is hard to believe, I know…). I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. On another note, belly is growing too fast and my hips are so sore from all the changes in my body. I’ve managed to gain 3 pounds so far which is great. Insomnia also started and it has been hard having to stay awake and active all day. Running after a toddler alone is enough to drain me out… put that with waking up at 3 a.m.!

The most amazing feeling so far was waking up to the baby’s hiccups! The baby is moving so much and I can tell it’s so strong! It keeps me up during the night and it’s A LITTLE calmer during the day. We hope to change that as soon as the baby is born... :)

THE BIG DAY: Fetal survey day is here! The baby sure is active! We actually got worried when the ultrasound technician kept trying to focus in on the baby’s heart and couldn’t really see everything. Then she said she needed the opinion of a doctor. He came in and looked at everything and said everything was fine (SIGH OF RELIEF) and that the technician had trouble looking at everything because the baby wouldn’t stop for a second! It looks so big and compared to Lila’s fetal survey. I remember Lila floating in a big pool of water and this baby was almost squeezed in there. Apparently, it still has enough space to do its flips. It covered its face, sucked the thumb, crossed the legs, and just would not stop.

This baby is so different than Lila. I’m not only talking about behavior, but the profile alone is totally different! Dad is convinced it’s a boy now…The doctor asked us if we wanted to know the baby’s gender, and I said I didn’t but asked to have the answer in an envelope because DAD is really curious. They gave us the ultrasound pictures and in one of them we swear it shows it’s a boy. Obviously, we’re not sure. The envelope has been driving us insane. The family is crazy to find out and dad is getting tense too.  The pathetic thing is that dad keeps putting the envelope in the light hoping he will be able to see what's written...  Personally, I started to get a little curious because I look at the envelope every day (it’s hanging on the refrigerator door). I think we may open it after all!

Fetal survey ultrasound. The bottom picture is the one I mentioned in the post.

A better look at the "is that a wee-wee?" picture!

THE envelope! :)

[ Of course I immediately asked if the baby has Choroid Plexus Cysts which Lila had around this time. Thankfully, the baby doesn't have them. For those who don't know, these are small brain cysts (sometimes one, sometimes a few) that lots of babies have during this time and from what I was told and researched, they are benign and they shrink and disappear with time, before the baby is born. We were very worried when we were told Lila had them, but the doctor told us NOT to worry. Apparently, many things can cause these and they have been found in babies with Trisomy 13 and Trisomy 18, but in my case, my thyroid condition caused the cysts. When the doctor sees these cysts, they check the heart, the brain and other vital organs to make sure they are healthy. When they are healthy, that usually means everything is ok. My doctor always says they check for so many things, and due to the fact that ultrasound machines aren't very reliable, it's completely normal that up to 4 things come back questionable (as long as they aren't serious "things"). If more than 4 come back with a "negative" result, then they look into it further. He also said there's more risk in doing an amniocentesis to check the cysts than to wait until the end of the pregnancy so we never even considered doing that since about 1 in 200 women who do an amniocentesis end up with a miscarriage.  I just want to say I love my doctor! Everything is explained to me in detail and he always puts me at ease if he thinks it's something not worth worrying about. I've seen other doctors who freak out over anything, causing the parents to be nervous over nothing sometimes. ]

Pregnancy Journal: month #3

• Third Month 12/09/09 to 01/09/10: nausea ending, belly growing, second ultrasound…

HAPPY NEW YEAR! This is the year the baby will arrive! Wooohooooo!  And to start out the new year, THE NAUSEA IS GOING AWAY, yay! I’m so thrilled to have an appetite and, although I still have food aversions here and there, I’m managing to eat at least one meal a day and that’s very good progress! No weight gain yet, but my belly sure started to show. Scary how fast is starts to show after the first pregnancy! We also had our second ultrasound and the baby is looking great! The doctor said the baby is so active and from the ultrasound, I could tell I’m in for a rough ride with this one. At 11 weeks, the baby was stretching the arms and legs, sucking its thumb, flipping back and forth, and bouncing, LITERALLY bouncing all over the place. The doctor took almost a half hour to look at everything because the baby wasn’t helping out much. I love that! LOL… very healthy! Lila was active, but definitely not like this; and again, this has caused everyone to tell me “it’s a boy” this time. I don’t really mind if it’s a boy or girl. I figure we can’t lose: if we have a boy, we’ll have the best of both worlds. If we have a girl, Lila and her will be best friends. Dad sort of wants another girl, I think because he sees how Lila’s eyes sparkle when she looks at him and he wants that again… of course, he has no idea what it’s like to have a son, so he says he doesn’t really care about what it is. Personally, I don’t want to find out but dad wants to find out badly. I would like to wait but if I find myself getting too curious I won’t torture myself. We’ll see how it goes…
This was a busy month with all the birthdays and holidays. Christmas was here at home, and it was so much fun. All the kids together just got me more excited to see how it will be next year with the new baby.   :)

New picture of our baby!

Pregnancy Journal: month #2

• Second Month 11/09/09 to 12/09/09: the nausea, first ultrasound…

Big surprise: very strong nausea. I didn’t have it a whole lot while expecting Lila so I thought I was just lucky and it wasn’t going to happen in any future pregnancies… It goes to show every pregnancy is different. I’ve heard of women that got really sick during pregnancy that they were scared to get pregnant again because they thought they would be just as sick during the next pregnancy. And I think the thing I heard the most was “it’s probably a boy, since you didn’t feel too much nausea with Lila”.

Seriously, I don’t know how some women go through it during the whole 9 months. I couldn’t eat anything and I think the toughest part was having to cook for Lila. I felt so bad for her because some days I just couldn’t look at the food, never mind feel the smell of it. So we got lots of take out and the poor thing ate a lot of the “jarred food”…poor thing! It just so happened that she started the “I pick what I eat” phase and was very into fruits and not into food at all! As a result of the nausea I lost 6 pounds (I can’t say I was upset about that). Luckily, I have a very “strong stomach” and I don’t throw up easily; otherwise I probably would have lost too much weight and, most likely, would have felt crappier. Energy-wise, I’ve been ok. Sure, sometimes I manage to nap while Lila is napping but that’s rare because I always have something to do, but that’s not bothering me as much as the nausea…so, YAY!

The highlight of this month is that we got to see the baby for the first time! Our ultrasound was great, the baby was measuring just right and we were given a due date of JULY 9, 2010. I’m very happy about that too because not only the weather is very nice, but there’s absolutely NO ONE in our family from July. What a relief! January, February, March, April, August, October, November and December are the busy months!

Baby's first picture!